can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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