I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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