i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
