my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
