I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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