she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize