Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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