every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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