i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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