Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
