I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
