I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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