I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
