Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
