I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We got so high we made milksteak
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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