Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
