I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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