This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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