OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
