he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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