you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
