Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
