Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
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He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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