Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
