alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
