He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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