I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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