VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
