I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
