New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
