and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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