I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
