part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
