Betty ford says i'm here all night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize