Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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