i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
