She is in my trunk
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
