if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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