I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
