the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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