He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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