Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
