No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
