Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
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Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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