You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
