I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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