I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
