her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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