And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
