apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
