if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
