Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
