and i looked up. we had an audience...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we're making bets on your personal life
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
