Soap is not a condiment
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
