sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
