Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
