Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
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