based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
