i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
