he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
