Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
