the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
