Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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